im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
