these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
