Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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