..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
