You're so nebulous sometimes
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
