the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
