Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just invented taco cereal.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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