no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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