We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
