Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
