Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
