i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Did we literally take a cab across the street
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
