There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
