Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
