That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
