I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
