He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I looked at my own cervix.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
