Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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