I hate your face
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
