I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Randomize
