The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
