It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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