i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
