end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
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