So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
