There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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