She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
