oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
