Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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