He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
