Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
