I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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