My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
