i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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