She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
