yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
