She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
