i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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