I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize