like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
