Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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