we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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