i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize