four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
