fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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