No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
