You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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