Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
