FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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