Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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