You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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