i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
