If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
