I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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