I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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