white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
