He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Mom said you looked used
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
