It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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