WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
