finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just high enough for therapy.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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