How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
