opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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