I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
