So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
