mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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