Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
