her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
